Monday Man Candy

Um...I actually can't recall if I've posted this before but even if I have, are you going to complain?

What's wrong with this picture?

Scary!

The following questions were asked in last year's GED examination.
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds')............and they WILL breed.

Q. Name the four seasons.
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist upon?
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.(Shoot yourself now, there is little hope.)

Q.. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. (At least they get to travel!)

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true!)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A. Premature death.

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow. (Simple, but brilliant.)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized? (e.g. The abdomen.)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U..(WTF!)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie. (This person has a career in politics awaiting!)

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby.

Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. (That would work.)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Cesarean section'.
A. The Cesarean section is a district in Rome .

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit!)

Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport.(Irrefutable!)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like tiny umbrellas.

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight. (Brilliant)

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head


These people vote -- They are the future generation -- America Is Dead!!!

Is Your Sign True to You?

I thought it would be fun to post this information about our signs and what each one means. I'm a SAGITTARIUS so check out my comments below in red.

CAPRICORN - The Go-Getter (Dec 22 - Jan 19) Patient and wise. Practical and rigid.. Ambitious. Tends to be Good-looking. Humorous and funny. Can be a bit shy and reserved. Often pessimistic. Capricorns tend to act before they think and can be Unfriendly at times.. Hold grudges. Like competition. Get what they want. 20 years of good luck if you forward.


AQUARIUS - The Sweetheart (Jan 20 - Feb 18) Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality.... Very independent. Inventive and intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional... Can be a bit rebellious.. Very stubborn, but original and unique. Attractive on the inside and out... Eccentric personality.

PISCES - The Dreamer (Feb 19 - Mar 20) Generous, kind, and thoughtful. Very creative and imaginative. May become secretive and vague. Sensitive. Don 't like details. Dreamy and unrealistic. Sympathetic and loving. Kind Unselfish. Good kisser. Beautiful.

ARIES - The Daredevil (Mar 21 - April 19) Energetic. Adventurous and spontaneous.. Confident and enthusiastic. Fun. Loves a challenge. EXTREMELY impatient. Sometime s selfish. Short fuse. (Easily angered..) Lively, passionate, and sharp wit. Outgoing. Lose interest quickly - easily bored. Egotistical. Courageous and assertive. Tends to be physical and athletic.

TAURUS - The Enduring One (April 20 - May 20) Charming but aggressive.. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings that are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride in their beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate. Express themselves emotionally.. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulge themselves often. Very generous..

GEMINI - The Chatterbox (May 21 - June 20) Smart and witty. Outgoing, very chatty.. Lively, energetic. Adaptable but needs to express themselves. Argumentative and outspoken. Like change. Versatile. Busy, sometime s nervous and tense. Gossips. May seem superficial or inconsistent. Beautiful physically and mentally.

CANCER - The Protector (June 21 - July 22) Moody, emotional. May be shy.. Very loving and caring. Pretty/handsome. Excellent partners for life. Protective. Inventive and imaginative. Cautious.. Touchy-feely kind of person. Needs love from others. Easily hurt, but sympathetic.

LEO - The Boss (July 23 - Aug 22) Very organized. Need order in their lives - like being in control. Like boundaries. Tend to take over everything. Bossy. Like to help Others. Social and outgoing. Extroverted.. Generous, warm-hearted. Sensitive. Creative energy... Full of themselves. Loving. Doing the right thing is important to Leos.. Attractive

VIRGO - The Perfectionist (Aug 23 - Sept 22) Dominant In relationships. Conservative. Always wants the last word.. Argumentative. Worries. Very smart.. Dislikes noise and chaos.. Eager. Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to talk to. Hard to please. Harsh. Practical and very fussy.. Often shy. Pessimistic..

LIBRA - The Harmonizer (Sept 23 - O ct 22) Nice to everyone they meet. Can't make up their mind . Have own unique appeal. Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone. Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful.. Flirtatious Give in too easily. Procrastinators.. Very gullible.

SCORPIO - The Intense One (Oct 23 - Nov 21) Very energetic. Intelligent. Can be jealous and/or possessive. Hardworking. Great kisser.. Can become obsessive or secretive. Holds grudges. Attractive. Determined. Loves being in long Relationships. Talkative... Romantic. Can be self-centered at times. Passionate and Emotional.

SAGITTARIUS - The Happy-Go-Lucky One (Nov 22 - Dec 21) Good-natured (yes) optimist (no, I'm a worrier) Doesn't want to grow up (true) (Peter Pan Syndrome). Indulges self (no). Boastful. (hope not) Likes luxuries and gambling. (no) Social and outgoing.. (definitely not) Doesn't like responsibilities.. (yes and no) Often fantasizes. (oh yeah!) Impatient.... (extremely!) Fun to be around. (yes) Having lots of friends. (not really) Flirtatious. (yes) Doesn't like rules... (who doesn't?) Sometime s hypocritical.. (no) Dislikes being confined - tight spaces or even tight clothes. (right on the money) Doesn't like being doubted. (true)Beautiful inside and out (of course!)

The Four Stages of Life

This Just In

Breathless Surrender actually left me breathless. The plot is wickedly good, as is the writing, and the pace is just out of this world. Great read! Oh, and HOT!

Check out the whole thing at Miz Love Loves Books!

I NEED YOUR HELP!
I'm STILL trying to find out which IKEA sells this mirror!!!

Monday Man Candy

Oh baby! Just a little lower...pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

When you are sad,
I will jump on the person
Who made you sad
Like a spider monkey
Jacked up on Mountain Dew!!!

When you are blue,
I will try to dislodge
Whatever is choking you..

When you smile,
I will know you are
Plotting something
That I must be involved in.

When you're scared,
We will high tail it out of here.

When you are worried,
I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse
It could be until you
Quit whining, ya big baby!!!!

When you are confused,
I will use little words.

When you are sick,
Stay away from me
Until you are well again.
I don't want whatever you have....

When you fall,
I'll pick you up
And dust you off--
After I laugh my rear off!!

Whoohoo, check out this new interview over at Miz Love Loves Books!

Why?

Would anyone go out in public like this? Much less to a grocery store! These were taken at a Wal-Mart!

Bear Remover

A man wakes up one morning in Alaska to find a bear
on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's
an ad for "Bear Removers."

He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be
over in 30 minutes.

The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's
got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old
pit bull .

"What are you going to do?" the homeowner asks.

"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up
there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the
bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let
go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in
the back of the van."

He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.

"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."

Whew...editing is temporarily over for now. I can breathe.

I have a feeling 2011 is going to be the year of change for me, big change. Or maybe new adventures. A great job opportunity has come along. Lots more money, a top executive position, and I've just decided to accept it. That will mean leaving a job I've been at for 16 years! A big step for me.

The only draw back is it's an almost 2 hour drive one way. That means I will probably have to get a small apartment closer to where it is to stay a couple nights a week. There's no way I can make that commute back and forth every day.

Oh, and, I will need to buy a new wardrobe. Darn it:)

I'm also planning a trip home, to Maine. I haven't been since my dad passed away, ten years ago. I'm really looking forward to it. Most of my family is there but I'm especially close to my cousin, Mary and my step-sister Bim. I'll get as far as NY with a friend and then take the train the rest of the way. Hopefully the route will be a lot more scenic than here in Florida. I took the train to Boca Raton once, just for the experience. What a let down!

I have three books coming out, maybe more if I get motivated! Two are full length romances and one is a Quickie. I did start another short story. I hope you all like those hot little quickies because I love writing them. I used to think I didn't have a short story in me.

I've been thinking about getting a new hairdo, too. I've had the same hair and style for 10 years. My problem is I like simple and easy. Comb, spray and go! And it better last the whole day, too. What's wrong with that? I'll let you know how that turns out.

So, what plans or changes do you have for 2011?

Okay, just had to post these new picture of my little grandson Mason. He'll be two months old the first of Feb.


He looks a lot like what my daughter did at this age.

Book Cover Just In!

Someone to Love Me will be available in March with Whiskey Creek Press Torrid, in ebook and print! Whoohoo!!!

Two strangers, trapped in a remote cabin in Alaska for the winter, find survival and more in each other's arms.

Monday Man Candy

Yum! Yum! Just try and pinch him:)

OK..........I've had enough. We have 6-inches and it's still coming down !?!?





Thought you might enjoy this. A friend who lives in the north sent it to me.

Frozen veggies, yogurt, clementines, fat free this, fat free that...crap! Heard it all before? My daughter has dragged me into the weight watchers program with her. God, I know I need to lose weight and I've actually been successful on a couple of programs. My problem is I don't have the will power to stick with them long enough. I get so hungry and it's so darn hard. And you want to hear something funny? I'm a total control freak. I can control everything in my life but this one thing.

Now we're weighing each other, counting points. She's got my granddaughter spying on me when she visits me and she's sicked my co-workers on me! LOL I know it's all for a good cause. But I've been on a diet my whole life. I'm tired and fed up so just give me my damn chocolate bar!

I'll humor her for a while. And who knows? I may lose a few pounds along the way:)

Senior Texting Code

Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting there appears to be a need for a Senior Texting Code. If you qualify for Senior Discounts this is the code for you.


ATD: At The Doctor's

BFF: Best Friend Fainted

BTW: Bring The Wheelchair

BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth

CBM: Covered By Medicare

CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center

DWI: Driving While Incompetent

FWBB: Friend With Beta Blockers

FWIW: Forgot Where I Was

FYI: Found Your Insulin

GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!

GHA: Got Heartburn Again

HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement

IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL: Living On Lipitor

LWO: Lawrence Welk's On

OMMR: On My Massage Recliner

ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... and Can't Get Up

SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop

TTYL: Talk To You Louder

WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?

WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again

WTP: Where's The Prunes?

WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil

LMGA: Lost My Glasses Again

GGLKI (Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In)

Surprise Guest Today!

Good morning everyone! I'm so pleased that we have a visitor with us today. And she has a brand new release out. Please say hi to Mackenzie McKade.


A taste of the erotic, a measure of daring and a hint of laughter describe Mackenzie McKade’s novels. She sizzles the pages with scorching sex, fantasy and deep emotion that will touch you and keep you immersed until the end. Whether her stories are contemporaries, futuristics or fantasies, this Arizona native thrives on giving you the ultimate erotic adventure.

When not traveling through her vivid imagination, she’s spending time with three beautiful daughters, three devilishly handsome grandsons, and the man of her dreams. She loves to write, enjoys reading and can’t wait ’til summer. Boating and jet skiing are top on her list of activities. Add to that laughter and if mischief is in order—Mackenzie’s your gal!

To learn more about Mackenzie, please visit www.mackenziemckade.com. Send an email to Mackenzie at mackenzie@mackenziemckade.com or sign onto her Yahoo! group to join in the fun with other readers and authors as well as Mackenzie. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/wicked_writers/.

BLURB:

Ten years ago a tragic accident forced Andrea “Andie” Adair from Whispering Cove, leaving behind her family, friends, and fiancé. A dark secret keeps her away from the sleepy seaport village, until she receives an ambiguous telephone call from her grandfather. He’s in the hospital. Desperate to cling to her only living relative she races back home and straight into the arms of the one man she can’t bear to face.

Sheriff, Brody McGrath, built his life without the woman of his dreams, but when he catches Andie, thinking she’s a prowler, he isn’t prepared for the onslaught of emotions—grief, regret, heartache, and love.

There is no denying the old spark between them still burns brightly, but can love defeat the demons of Andie’s past and allow her to live again?

EXCERPT:

A gentle breeze feathered back her hair. Andrea’s plan was simple. Drop her bags off at the house and maybe by then the local cab company would be available to take her to the hospital. From there she would be able to decide her next move.

Sand in her heels slowed her steps, but even after ten years she could make this trip with her eyes closed. A sudden wave of melancholy squeezed her chest. A long time ago, she had loved this beach, this ocean, this town.

When she reached the front porch of her grandfather’s beach house, she exhaled a weighted breath. Releasing her bags, they dropped with a thud. Immediately, she cringed remembering her laptop. Kneeling beside an old flower pot filled with white turtleheads, their sturdy blooms closed as if they slept, she tipped the planter and searched blindly for the spare key her grandfather always kept there, but it was missing.

“Great!” Pushing to her feet, she stomped down the stairs and headed around the house.

Mock-orange hedges made it difficult for her to access the first window that led into the living room, but she pushed through. Several of the branches bit into her legs. Getting a firm grip on the frame, she pushed upward and grunted. The window was locked. She had no better luck with the next two.

Exhausted, frustrated, and more than a little peeved, she made her way around to the darkened back porch. With each step her temper built. Let there be no doubt in anyone’s mind, she was redheaded and Irish. She might have learned to tame her ire throughout the years, but if the door knew what was best it would not be locked. If she had to, she’d toss the old rocking chair next to it through the window.

Consequences be damned.

Andrea didn’t make it to the door before something struck her back with the strength of a battering ram thrusting her forward so she collided with the house. The impact pushed the breath from her lungs. Before she could inhale, strong hands grabbed her wrists and flung them over her head. Forcing and slapping her palms hard enough against the siding so that they stung. Fear paralyzed her.

A scream desperately clawed its way up her throat, but evaporated on a whimper when a solid kick sent her ankles apart. Spread eagle and helpless, her mind went blank. All her self-defense training vanished. Even when the man pressed his imposing body to her back, flattening her tight against the house, she couldn’t think—react. Something deep and menacing was muttered into her ear, but she was too scared, too panicked to decipher his words.

When his large, ominous palms started to move up her naked calves, she choked back a feeble cry. Intimately he stroked the inside of her thighs causing her eyes to widen with knowledge that she was about to be raped. No way could she just let it happen without a struggle.

Red-hot anger flickered to life, using her fear to feed it. In this position she couldn’t maneuver a strike to any vital areas. So she did the only thing she had available. Breathing in she released a long, high pitch scream, which was abruptly ripped away when he jerked her around to face him. At the same time a flash of light blinded her, her eyelids squeezing shut. Before she could regain her senses a surprised gasp followed by a soft murmur of her name made her freeze.

Her heart skipped a beat.

No. It couldn’t be.

Squinting, she pried her eyes open and once again found herself without oxygen, robbed of her anger, but not her apprehension. The man’s face bathed in shadows from the porch light was the last person she had expected to run into fifteen minutes after she set foot in Whispering Cove.

Andrea wasn’t prepared to see Brody McGrath, again. Not here. Not now.

Some time after the lights had come on his hands had settled on her hips. The pressure of his fingers teased her senses, sending a wayward chill up her spine. She couldn’t have masked the tremor even if she had tried.

When his grip slid to her waist, with only the thin silky shirt between them, she gulped down a mouthful of air that nearly suffocated her. Unexpected tears gathered behind her eyelids, making her nose tingle and her face heat. Even after ten years her desire for Brody had not waned.

“Andie?” Her gaze rose to meet his. Hazel eyes, more blue than green against his navy uniform, were wide and filled with something close to disbelief. “Is it really you?”

Maturity hadn’t erased the deep sensuality in his voice. Whether it was on the telephone or in person, she had loved listening to him, especially when he was aroused and holding her, telling her how much he cared.

What was she thinking? She had loved everything about him.

“You’re a policeman?” Her first words to the man she’d loved and hadn’t seen for ten years was about his occupation. Smooth.

Andrea had no idea where the question came from or even why her mind headed in that direction. Of course, the polished badge, nightstick, and gun strapped to his hips were a dead giveaway. Or maybe she was trying to redirect her attention from his full lips, lips that had teased and taunted her dreams over the years. A strained smile tipped the corners of his mouth and all her good intentions flew out the window. Andrea sighed before she could stop herself.

“I’m the Sheriff. Here. In Whispering Cove.” He shifted his feet, before slightly lowering his head positioning his mouth a breath away from hers.

Oh God.

Andrea’s pulse jumped into her throat. Moving a foot, she tried to take a step back, but he caught her, pulling her to him. Their bodies melded together. Even light couldn’t slide between them.

For a moment she couldn’t breathe.

Locking one arm behind her, his other hand trailed fingertips across her cheek. “Is it really you? After all this time?” He held her and touched her, as if he still couldn’t believe she stood before him.

Did he still care?

A terse chuckle burst from her mouth on a breathy exhale. “I’m afraid so.” A warm woodsy scent wrapped around her like a blanket. Brody had always worn cologne, preferring the earthy tones.

A frown creased his forehead. “But, I heard you weren’t attending the reunion.”

Good news traveled fast in a small town. “I’m not. I mean…” She paused, working to get her heart to stop beating so fast. “I didn’t come home for the reunion.”

Both of his arms wrapped around her again. “Then why? Why did you come home?”

The need to pull away was strong, a survival impulse, but she didn’t move. “Grandpa is in the—”
The screen door creaked open and the man she referred to stepped out onto the porch. A smile on his face stretched from ear to ear. “Well, laddie…will you be releasing me granddaughter or frisking her?”

Brody’s hands jerked back so quickly Andrea swayed to recover her balance. “Yes, sir! I mean…no, sir.” He pushed his fingers through ebony hair so dark that it flickered a blue tint in places beneath the light. “Shit,” he groaned, before casting a sheepish glance in her grandfather’s direction. “You said you had a prowler outside your house.”

Heat surged across her cheeks. “Grandpa! You called the police?” Andrea couldn’t believe this. No wonder Brody treated her like a criminal. He thought she was trying to break in.

Oh yeah. She was trying to break in.

“That I did.” There was no apology in her grandfather’s tone. Instead, he stepped back and held the door open. “Come inside before you wake the neighbors.” Andrea had just passed through the door when he spoke again. “Brody, would you be a good laddie and fetch her luggage out front?”

Andrea couldn’t help it, but her suspicious mind began to churn. “How did you know where my luggage was?”

He cocked a brushy brow. “It’s not here beside you. Where else would it be?” Pivoting, he placed his hand in the small of her back and ushered her inside, while Brody disappeared around the house.

Entering the kitchen a host of memories assailed her, but this time they made her smile. When her grandmother was alive there was always something cooking on the stove or in the oven. Even now Andrea could almost smell the fresh scent of zucchini bread or oyster fritters. “Nothing has changed.” From the seashell curtains along the bay window to the copper pots and pans hanging over the large island, it was just like she remembered.

“When something is perfect, lass, there be no need for improvement. Now come here and give your grandpa a hug.”

To learn more about Mackenzie and her books visit the following sites.

Website
The Gab Wagon
The Wicked Writers
Myspace
email - Mackenzie@mackenziemckade.com

Monday Man Candy

Oh yeah...like those tree trunk thighs!

Whoohoo...another review in! Happily Ever After Reviews gives Breathless Surrender 41/2 tea cups and says...

Breathless Surrender opened up straight into the plot, not leaving any room for stalled or dragging moments. Although it was a bit short, the author managed to develop the characters and the plot very well while writing great sex in between. Ranging from oral, to anal, to light bondage, Breathless Surrender had a little bit of everything.

I'm editing! Just thought I'd pop in long enough to tell ya. Might not be around much the next couple of day.

Monday Man Candy

I don't even need to see his face to know he's perfect!

Torture or Entertainment?

I invested in a 62 inch cat tree for my babies and placed it in front of the window. Directly outside the window I placed a bird feeder. This morning it looked like a picture straight out of Snow White. Squirrels, doves, cardinals, chickadees (if the hawk shows up I'll worry) and a bunny were partaking in the seeds. The cats, of course, were excited and riveted to the scene. It was like they were at the movies. Tails wagging, little sounds, okay growls, emitting from them. Now they're all perched upon various spots on the tree just watching. And I found myself thinking, is this entertainment to them, or am I teasing them?

Then I figured, they need something to do. They're inside cats. Besides, I know I'm entertained! LOL Here's a picture of Gin Gin, my almost 20 pound calico, trying to squeeze herself into the tube at the top of the tree. I know the tube looks small, but honestly, Jezzie fits into it comfortably. Course...she only weighs about 8 pounds.

The Twilight Zone

Sy-fy had a Twilight Zone marathon on all day. In fact I'm watching it now. I'd forgotten how scary freaky some of those episodes were! I'll need to sleep with my head under the covers tonight:) Do do do do...do do do do...

HAPPY NEW YEARS!