Friday, October 14, 2011

You know, life is about sacrifices, and doing what's right. This post is meant for my soul mate's son, who won't see it. He won't talk to us, he won't return our calls. He uses his wife as a go between because he can't "deal" with it. Not because he doesn't care. Because he doesn't want to think about his dad passing away. Doesn't want to see him sick.

We all have to deal with unpleasant things in life. It helps us grow and become strong, it's part of living. Doesn't mean we have to like it. And no one wants to see their parent sick and possibly dying. But it happens. I went through it with my dad and mom and I know I'll go through it again when my step-father passes. Right now though, it's about my soul mate.

We've been together 17 years. A few weeks ago he was diagnosed with a bone infection. We were warned with his low immunity and other health issues, coupled with his age, that this was a very serious time. The intravenous antibiotic they have Earl on is very toxic. He was supposed to receive a dose once a day, but because it started building up in his system they come out every other day. The nurse.

The bottom line is he's not doing well right now. He needs someone with him round the clock, at least until the treatment is over in another 3 weeks. After that we will have to make a decision none of us wants to think about. But it's about doing what's right for Earl.

Right now I can spend weekends with him, and nights, but I work full time during the day. So I asked his sons to come and help. I only asked them for one week each. The one from Boca Raton is coming Monday. The other, who lives in Oklahoma, won't talk to us.

I wish he could see his dad. Hear how he mumbles under his breath that he doesn't understand why his son won't call or come. It's so sad. Because this son used to call him faithfully every weekend. The medication makes Earl forgetful, very weak, and he sleeps most of the time. It doesn't appear he's reacting very well to the antibiotic. He's in terrible pain.

Is he dying? God  I hope not, but it's a good possibility he won't bounce back from this. And his son will have to "deal" with that. And any regrets he has for not doing the right thing. For not seeing his dad possibly one last time.


LuAnn said...

Oh, my! How very sad. My prayers are definitely with you and your family. And I'll say a special one for Earl's son. He may just need some time to think things through and then he may come around. Just be patient and don't push him. Has his brother talked to him? That may help if they are close at all.

Karen C said...

Having been in a similar situation when my mother was terminally ill, I can understand both sides of the issue. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.

tammy ramey said...

Tory i am so sorry that your family is having such a hard time. i will keep you all in my prayers and i will pray that God will soften the sons heartache enough that he can be there when his dad needs him.

Tory Richards said...

Ladies, thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Earl's son will never see this post but I had to get it off my chest. Hopefully he'll come around on his own.

Nancy Bristow said...

Debbie/Tory...I'm sorry to hear that Earl's not responding better to the medication.

We can't make decisions for others but I sincerely hope the one son has a change of heart before it's too late. This situation is not about him but about his Dad who needs his love and support right now. Obviously the son doesn't understand that he's withholding the only gift he has to give.

Should he not come to terms with the situation and "deal", my personal take on it is that he will forever after regret it. I'm fully aware that it's his choice and nobody can "make" him do anything but the important part of the discussion is that if he fails to show love and support for his Dad, there will never be a do-over.

If he were willing to go, perhaps a session with a death and dying counselor could be of benefit.

There are situations worse than our impending deaths. We could require nursing home care before that death comes.

I loved the photo of Earl and kitty. As you say, life is tough but how we meet it's challenges says a lot about us. And, we all need to helps us cope.

As a full time employee and a caregiver, you will be sorely tested. Don't neglect your own care and well being in the stressful times to come. ~Nancy