My Babies

Cole Hauser

A friend sent me these pictures of her personal fantasy so I thought I'd post them. She knows who she is:)

The picture of him in the police uniform is a turn on but the suits don't do much for me. Over all he's very cute but he isn't my type. Sorry my friend, I like them rugged and big. Maybe if I saw him in action. But it just goes to show you we all have our own tastes in what toots our bell:)

Rugs

And I'm not talking about the kind you walk on. I'm referring to the rugs balding men wear. Why do they wear them? Are they in denial and do they honestly think we can't spot one a mile away? My hubby wore one when we first got together. It was custom made and I had no idea, really. It wasn't until we were, ah, having whoopee one afternoon and the damn thing flopped forward over his eyes that I found out about it! LOL

Do men think we love them for their hair? By the time I found out hubby was balding I was so in love with him that he could have surprised me with anything. I didn't care. And after that I hated that darn rug. It took a couple years to convince him he didn't need it. He switched it for a baseball hat. One thing I noticed was when he did wear it, it was because we were going out and he knew there would be other women there. He told me he was vain.

I found that old rug in a box in the closet not too long ago. At first I thought something had crawled in there, died, and all that was left was the hair!

Last night we were dining out and I glanced over at a couple at the next table. I immediately spotted the rug. OMG it was so obvious. The poor guy was bald and the rug he was wearing was a thick strip of hair that only covered the very top of his head. I looked away so he wouldn't see my smile, and met hubby's eyes, seeing the amusement in them. He'd spotted the man and was doing the same thing.

I know several other men who wear rugs. Some look better than others. And I'm not saying I wouldn't wear a wig if I was losing my hair. Which I am. As I get older I notice it thinning out. Even though my stylist says I have nice hair...whatever that means:)

The Cowboy Way...coming soon!

Lacey and Chase's story...

Like a sexy cowboy read?"THE COWBOY WAY" is a hot romance between the daughter of a powerful rancher and a rugged cowboy.

Artist Lacey Owens returns home to visit her father after being away for years, and to mend a broken heart. Chase Saunders is the ranch foreman and half owner of the ranch. The attraction between them is instant and intense. Only Chase is determined to ignore the beauty, while Lacey challenges him at every turn.

As the attraction sparks out of control, danger waits around the corner when a escaped convict decides to use Lacey for revenge against her father.

Steamy Excerpt

So far it looks like more book teasers are ahead at the poll to the right. I'm happy to oblige. Here's a little something from "IT'S ALL IN THE JEANS".


Libby swallowed nervously. If he rejected her now she’d leave the park and never return. However, what she saw on Logan’s expression wasn’t rejection. As he took his fill looking at her, she let her eyes roam down to the prominent bulge in his pants. My…it was a wonder it didn’t burst right through his zipper! Without realizing what she was doing she reached forward and touched him to see if it was as hard as it appeared, sliding a naughty fingertip down the pulsing length. He was made of steel. And she couldn’t wait to have him inside her.

He sucked in his breath, his penis jumping strongly beneath her finger. His heavy lidded gaze slid down Libby’s exposed body in a slow, heated caress that made her heart pound and her pulse race. She felt her breasts swelling for attention, her nipples tingling almost painfully with excitement. Lord, it was a wonder she remained on her feet she was so turned on. And all they’d done was kiss so far.

What was Logan waiting for? Libby was all but asking him to make love to her. Didn’t he recognize the signs? Surely he wasn’t a virgin!

“Ah, Logan?” she questioned after a moment, curious as to why he hadn’t made his move yet when she expected him to sweep her into his arms and ravish her. His eyes swung lazily up to hers, the question in them apparent. “Ah, you’ve been with a woman before, haven’t you?” Her finger continued to toy with his erection. “Because if you haven’t, I can show you what to do with this.”

The crooked grin spreading slowly across his face was sexy as sin, and Libby felt the heat of embarrassment crawl up her neck and span across her cheeks when she realized her mistake. All at once the wolfish look in his eyes was backed up with a predatory gleam, and his intentions became very clear.

He was about to make a meal of her.

“I thought I told you Libby, I like it slow and easy.” His words reminded her of what he’d said that night at the bar. Before she was prepared he wrapped an arm around her waist and hauled her up against him. She was the one catching her breath now, feeling the ridge of his desire against her. “And looking is the best part,” he finished in a voice of smooth velvet.

I've Been There

Romantic Times Book Lovers Convention

Well, I'm gearing up for the RT Convention in April. I know I still have some time but I want to be good and ready when April 21st arrives. No last minute headaches or stress. I want to thoroughly enjoy myself that week. I'm really looking forward to the workshops I've selected and meeting people I've met over the internet the last few years.

What am I doing to prepare? Lots of promotional items for one. I've had professional post cards bookmarks, magnets and some key chains made. I get to bring 3 titles of my books for the autographing event so I'm thinking of "THE SENATOR'S DAUGHTER", "WICKED DESIRE" and "IT'S ALL IN THE JEANS". With the release date of "THE COWBOY WAY" on April 15th I'm not sure an order will arrive in time.

I've heard the spot each author gets in promotion lane isn't very big so I'm thinking of a way to showcase the items I'm bringing. What do ya'll think of one of those see through plastic letter stands? Gee, I wish I knew what the official name was. You mostly see these on desks and it has 3-4 separate slots. I figured that way each item will be visible and it will be stacked in layers while taking up little space.

Each day closer I get more excited. This is for me!

Monday Man Candy

Whew, nice:)
To tame a word? Sexy...hunky...mouth watering...Hot!

Hubby and I had a real nice day together today. We slept in, then went out to breakfast at a little mom and pop place down the street that serves great food at reasonable prices. We hit the bank, gas station, grocery store, office depot, serviced my car and had it washed and finished up with a hair cut. It was one of those days where we spent most of it out.

The icing on the cake was receiving two royalty cheques in the mail! I can't retire on them but I always get excited when I receive one. And looking over the invoices showed me that my Tory Richards books are making more money. Hum...I wonder why:)

The kids are coming tomorrow. I haven't seen my niece in a few weeks so I'm looking forward to seeing her. And of course I always look forward to seeing my daughter and her family.

I'm fixing two big pans of lasagna. Wish me luck because I bought two boxes of oven ready noodles. I've never used them before but a woman also buying them told me they're good. I hate trying new stuff when I'm having guests but family aren't really guests:)

5 MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE

For those moments when you just need a piece of chocolate cake, but don't have the time to bake it! This is a real recipe and not a joke.

5 MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE

4 tablespoons flour

4 tablespoons sugar

2 tablespoons cocoa

1 egg

3 tablespoons milk

3 tablespoons oil

3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)

a small splash of vanilla extract

1 large coffee mug

Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well. Add the egg and mix thoroughly. Pour in the milk and oil and mix well. Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla extract, and mix again. Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts (high). The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed! Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired. EAT!

(this can serve 2 if you want to feel slightly more virtuous). And why is this the most dangerous cake recipe in the world? Because now we are all only 5 minutes away from chocolate cake at any time of the day or night!

Should I or Shouldn't I?

I was just looking in the mirror and noticed how gray I'm getting. It's not like it happened over night. I had a sprinkle of gray here and there pop up slowly over the years but I can't deny how fast it seems to be taking over all of a sudden! Even my hubby took a second look the other night and commented on it. Annoyed, I told him at least I have hair to turn gray! LOL

The only time I've colored my hair is when the girls and I would go on vacation together, so it's been a few years. Now I'm wondering if it's time to go that route again. I just don't want to start something I'll have to keep up, even if I will look younger. But the question lingers in my mind, should I or shouldn't I?

The Stella Awards

It's time again for the annual 'Stella Awards'! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico where she purchased the coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right?

That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U. S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy.

Here are the Stella's for the past year:

7TH PLACE:Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.

6TH PLACE:Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hub caps.Go ahead, grab your head scratcher.

5TH PLACE:Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for r eight, count 'em, EIGHT, days on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the home-owner's insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish.Keep scratching. There are more...

4TH PLACE:Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.Grrrrr ... Scratch, scratch.

3RD PLACE:Third place goes to Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113, 500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. What ever happened to people being responsible for their own actions? Scratch, scratch, scratch. Hang in there; there are only two m ore Stellas to go...

2ND PLACE:Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.

1S T PLACE: (May I have a fanfare played on 50 kazoos please?)This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home from an OU football game, having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down, $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

Just finishing up the last round of edits for "THE COWBOY WAY" so if I'm not around much the next few days you'll know why. Deadlines!

Monday Man Candy

I'm sorry I'm late...but he's worth the wait:)

Strokes

STROKE IDENTIFICATION

It only takes a minute to read this...

A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke...totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.

RECOGNIZING A STROKE

Thank God for the sense to remember the '3' steps, STR . Read and Learn!

Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.

Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:

S *Ask the individual to SMILE.
T *Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently)
(i.e. It is sunny out today.)
R *Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.

If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call emergency number immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

New Sign of a Stroke -------- Stick out Your Tongue

NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out his tongue.. If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other,that is also an indication of a stroke.

Colonoscopy...anyone?

A friend sent this to me, it's halarious! If you've had one you'll understand and if you haven't, your time is coming.

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis ..

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the moviPrep.

You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

ABOUT THE WRITER> Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald. On the subject of Colonoscopies... Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'

5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'

6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'

8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'

12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'

13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'

The Lark Journals

Most of you probably aren't aware that I belong to another blog, called The Lark Journals. There's four of us and we're all authors from Whiskey Creek Press. I thought it might be nice to have a guest blogger once or twice a month and it seemed only appropriate to ask the larkers to be my first guests.

Below is a little paragraph about each author and a picture of their latest release.

AUTHOR SARITA LEONE -

Sarita Leone lives in a remote area of New York with her wonderful husband Vito. Their days are filled with laughter and their nights are spent dancing beneath the stars. When she’s not writing, Sarita enjoys hiking, boating, reading and drawing.

News of the author’s upcoming releases can be found on
her website, Sarita Leone and bits and pieces from her daily life are journaled in her blog, called From the Heart. Its web home is Sarita Leone Blog.

AUTHOR MARGARET BLAKE -

I am happy to contribute to Debbie’s blog and tell you a little about myself. I write historical, contemporary and romantic suspense. My latest book out with Whiskey Creek Press is Spanish Lies. I also write hardback novels with Robert Hale Limited of London and my new book with them is “A Poisoned Legacy” a romantic suspense set in Florida.

The Substitute Bride, my latest historical romance was the No. l best seller at Whiskey Creek Press for January. I am English, living in the North but frequently visit Florida to see my son and his lovely wife and my grandkids.

You can read more about me and find out how to purchase my books at: at: Margaret Blake or call and see me on Myspace.

AUTHOR KATHLEEN O'CONNOR -

Kathleen O'Connor is a graduate of the Iowa Writer’s Workshop where she was awarded a James Michener fellowship. She is also a recipient of the Connecticut National Writing Awards.

Her short stories and articles have appeared in Redbook, Good Housekeeping, Seventeen Magazine, and Liguorian.

She is the author of three novels: No Doubt called "a luminescent page-turner" by Fallen Angels Reviews; No Accident, described by Harriet Klausner of Best Reviews as "an exciting police procedural” and The Way it Happens in Novels, categorized as a "romance leavened with wisdom" by Publisher's Weekly.

Her new novel, Men of Paradise will be released by The Wild Rose Press on May 1, 2009. Read more about her at: Kathleen Connor.

SPRING CLASSES FOR MEN

Spring Classes for Men at THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED by Friday, January 30th, 2009

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?
Group Practice. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things
Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. Open Forum Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health
Graphics and Audio Tapes. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost
Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live
Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Maybe I asked for it...

Hubby called me at work this morning and I convinced him to get the grocery shopping done today, since he didn't have anything else to do.

I said, "pick up something for dinner."

"What?" he asked.

"Surprise me."

He called me when he got home and said he had a surprise for me for dinner. Okay, I had something to look forward to when I got home. So, while I'm watching Judge Judy he said dinner would be ready in about 20 minutes.

"I don't smell anything cooking," I commented during a commercial.

"I haven't started it yet."

I frowned, "what is it?"

He grinned. "Mashed potatoes, corn, boneless pork ribs."

Wow! That perked me up. I could hear him in the kitchen, using the microwave to warm it up. I figured, he must have picked something up earlier, that was already cooked. So I get my TV dinner tray ready and wait.

"It's ready," he calls from the kitchen.

Good timing I think. Another commercial. I won't miss any of Judge Judy! I rush to the kitchen and open the microwave. My jaw drops and I swing around to him. He smiles, with total sincerity!

It was a Banquet TV dinner! I couldn't believe it. The processed pork was swimming in some tart barbecue sauce. The mashed potatoes and corn wouldn't fill a two-year-old. But I sat and ate it, telling him that it was good every time he asked me.

If that ain't love I don't know what is!

Now, I'm off for a snack:)

Going to the Doctor

Who likes to go to the doctor? Raise you hand. What...no one? Come on, there has to be someone who enjoys going into a place where strangers want a sample of your pee, blood, take your blood pressure when you know it's sky high from the stress of going to the doctor, and then have the nerve to weigh you. I turn my head and refuse to look at the bar. You know, the one where they keep moving that little weight thingy further to the right?

Then the fun begins when they lead you to your room. The nurse hands you a one size fits all little piece of tissue and asks you to undress and cover up with it. I use more toilet paper when I go to the bathroom! But I do what she asks and strip down, then spend the next half hour trying to arrange that little square over my private parts. The trouble is, they're all private parts to me! LOL I end up having to make up my mind what part I want to cover most. And by that time the tissue is ripped in several places.

Today I even contemplated taping a couple of the tissue pieces together to make one giant one. Why they give it to you in the first place I'll never know. The little it covers is quickly uncovered when the doctor moves it aside or raises it to examine you. I guess it's to make you feel like you're not completely exposed.

But no matter how I try, I can't pretend two strangers standing at the foot of the table aren't seeing things I can't even see anymore!

All women should live so long as to be this kind of little old lady.

Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?" 80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.

"Miss Joyce," asked the minister "Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?''

"I don't have any." She replied, smiling sweetly.

"Miss Joyce, that is very unusual. How old are you?''

"Ninety-eight." she replied.

"Oh, Miss Joyce, would you please come up front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"

The little sweetheart of a lady carefully tottered down the aisle, turned to face the congregation, and said, "I out lived all them bitches."

Monday Man Candy

:)

BATH TUB TEST

During a visit to the mental hospital, I asked the Director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?


'Well,' said the Director, we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.'


'Oh, I understand,' I said. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'


'No' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?'


ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON, OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEAR ME?

Toys

My hubby has a new toy and he loves it! He uses it every day. Once, twice, three times, sometimes on and off all day, no matter what the time. When he gets the urge, he just whips it out and uses it. You'd think he would tire of it after a while. I know I am tired of it because I'm the one at the receiving end of it!

Get your mind out of the gutter! LOL Because I'm talking about his new cell phone. It's the first one he's ever had. I swear he's like a big kid. Yesterday while we were grocery shopping he called me half a dozen times in the store. Once while I was in line waiting to check out...the damn fool was right behind me! I glared back at him and he's standing there with that big stupid grin on his old face, trying to act all cool.

"Do I look cool?" he grins
"You're a dork," I say back to him. Then grin because I can't help it.

Men and their toys. He's so far behind the times that he doesn't know that no one pays any attention to someone on their cell phones anymore. It's not like in the beginning when very few people could afford the luxury of having one. Those were the ones you looked at in awe, thinking how important they must be to have a cell phone. You know, back when they were the size of a loaf of bread? LOL

I just called the old fool. He's outside working and I heard voices out front so I called him to go check it out. LOL Next I'm going to call him to let him know I'm going to the bathroom:)

Ever Wonder...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darken sour skin?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Only in America

Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America .....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America .....do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America.....do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America .....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Books No Longer For Sale

Two of my earlier releases, "ALL THE RIGHT MOVES" and "AGAINST THE ODDS" are no longer offered for sale by the publisher. My contract was up with New Concepts Publishing and the rights were reverted back to me, at my request. The reason being that I would like to see them re-released later by another publisher who can offer them in print as well as ebook.

If that happens, rest assured the books will have gone through changes to enhance the story lines, and raise the heat level from sensual to erotic. Also they will receive new book covers.

I'm working on them now and I'll keep you informed if and when they are released again.

Check it Out

Coffee Time Romance and More

Hey folks, if you're interested Coffee Time has posted an interview about Tory Richards. I know, I know, how much more do you need to know about my alter ego? LOL But I do try to make each one a little more interesting and fresh. Besides, you might want to check out their beautiful site.

Clever Illusions

Can you see the face?



Can you see the three women in Einstein's face?

Can you see the dog?

Can you see the lovers kissing?

A Winter Statistic

98% OF AMERICANS SAY "OH SHIT" BEFORE GOING IN THE DITCH ON A SLIPPERY ROAD.

THE OTHER 2% ARE FROM MAINE, AND THEY SAY, "HOLD MY BEER AND WATCH THIS."

For those of you who live in Florida, can you believe this weather? I love it! I heard it's going to be the coldest so far this year. And the ground hog saw his shadow which means six more weeks of winter. I know there's some of you who are grumbling over the cold but I say, enjoy it while you can.

The rest of the year will be like living in hell:)

Monday Man Candy

I don't know about you but I'd wash his back for him if he asked real nice:)

It's so nice getting together with old friends. Especially when you haven't seen one of them in a while. There's three of us. Bonnie, Sonya and me. We used to work together about 12 years ago and have kept in touch through e-mails and phone calls. Two of us get together on a fairly regular basis but our mutual friend we hadn't seen in about 4 years. That changed tonight when we finally met for dinner.

It took us a couple hours to catch up with what we've all been doing since last getting together. Two of us have retired, I still have a few years to go. As we shared a nice dinner we discussed our families, amazed at how old our kids and grand kids are now, covered divorces and who has passed away. We touched on the old days when we worked together and as we finished up by taking pictures we promised not to let so much time go by when we get together for dinner again.

The same promise we made four years ago:)