Friday, January 30, 2009
I can't believe how fast January went by! I hope the new year has started out good for all of you. I have high hopes that this year will be a good one for me, what with the new book coming out and attending the RT Convention in April. I just received the March issue of their magazine and my ad for "WICKED DESIRE" is in there on the Whiskey Creek Press page. Their ads are unbelievably expensive but I've committed myself into putting my books in there at least once.
Tomorrow is the last Saturday of the month and you know what that means. Some lucky reader is chosen to receive a surprise. Also, I'm a guest blogger over at Romance Junkies Blog so stop on by.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it. (I'd pour it over his head:))
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. (See? Men do need us more than we need them!)
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. (Well...if they didn't have that beer gut...)
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me....' (Yeah right! When have we ever started a sentence like that?)
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven. (What's wrong with that?)
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. (Well, if you let us in first we wouldn't come in bitching because you let the dog in first! Idiot!)
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake. (Again, could it be that attractive beer gut?)
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to. (No argument from me:))
Face it men, you're not going to win!
Monday, January 26, 2009
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (Brilliant, love this!)
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. (The kid gets an A+ for this answer!)
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does 'varicose' mean? (I do love this one...)
Q: Give the meaning of the te rm 'Caesarian Section.'
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
How many of these did YOU know about?
A sealed envelope - Put in the freezer for a few hours, then slide a knife under the flap. The envelope can then be resealed.(hmmmmmm...)========================================
Use Empty toilet paper roll to store appliance cords. It keeps them neat and you can write on the roll what appliance it belongs to.
For icy door steps in freezing temperatures: get warm water and put Dawn dish washing liquid in it. Pour it all over the steps. They won't refreeze. (wish I had known this for the last 40 years!)
To remove old wax from a glass candle holder, put it in the freezer for a few hours. Then take the candle holder out and turn it upside down. The wax will fall out. =================================================
Crayon marks on walls? This worked wonderfully! A damp rag, dipped in baking soda. Comes off with little effort (elbow grease that is!).
Permanent marker on appliances/counter tops (like store receipt BLUE!) rubbing alcohol on paper towel.
Whenever I purchase a box of S.O.S Pads , I immediately take a pair of scissors and cut each pad into halves. After years of having to throwaway rusted and unused and smelly pads, I finally decided that this would be much more economical. Now a box of S.O.S pads last me indefinitely! In fact, I have noticed that the scissors get 'sharpened'' this way!
Blood stains on clothes? Not to worry! Just pour a little hydrogen peroxide on a cloth and proceed to wipe off every drop of blood. Works every time! (Now, where to put the body?) LOL
Use vertical strokes when washing windows outside and horizontal for inside windows. This way you can tell which side has the streaks. Straight vinegar will get outside windows really clean. Don't wash windows on a sunny day. They will dry too quickly and will probably streak.
Spray a bit of perfume on the light bulb in any room to create a lovely light scent in each room when the light is turned on.
Place fabric softener sheets in dresser drawers and your clothes will smell freshly washed for weeks to come. You can also do this with towels and linen.
Candles will last a lot longer if placed in the freezer for at least 3 hours prior to burning.
To clean artificial flowers, pour some salt into a paper bag and add the flowers. Shake vigorously as the salt will absorb all the dust and dirt and leave your artificial flowers looking like new! Works like a charm!
To easily remove burnt on food from your skillet , simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stove top.
Spray your TUPPERWARE with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato based sauces and there won't be any stains.
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
When boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar to help bring out the corn's natural sweetness
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half, and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away. (If that doesn't work, add it to a rum and coke. At least the headache will be worthwhile).
Don't throw out all that leftover wine: Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces ......... Left over wine? What's that? :)
To get rid of itch from mosquito bites, try applying soap on the area and you will
experience instant relief.
Ants, ants, ants everywhere .. Well, they are said to never cross a chalk line. So, get your chalk out and draw a line on the floor or wherever ants tend to march.
See for yourself.
Use air-freshener to clean mirrors. It does a good job and better still,leaves a lovely smell to the shine.
When you get a splinter, reach for the scotch tape before resorting to tweezers or a needle. Simply put the scotch tape over the splinter, and then pull it off.. Scotch tape removes most splinters painlessly and easily.
Now look what you can do with Alka Seltzer........Clean a toilet.Drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush and flush.The citric acid and effervescent action clean vitreous China .
Clean a vase.To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water and drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets.
Polish jewelry.Drop two Alka Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two minutes.
Clean a thermos bottle. Fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary)
Unclog a drain. Clear the sink drain by dropping three Alka Seltzer tablets down the drain followed by a cup of Heinz White Vinegar. Wait a few minutes, and then run the hot water.
Do your friends a favor. Pass this timely (and some not-so-timely)information on to a friend! I just did. Makes you wonder about ingesting Alka Seltzer, doesn't it?
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
A few years ago I recall he tried to teach me how to golf. One day folks, one day was all it took for us to realize it was not going to work. I couldn't hold the club correctly and I never did get the ball in the air. It was obvious very early on that golf wasn't a game to him, where as I had only played putt gold up till then. Needless to say after that I just went a long for the ride in the golf cart. I enjoyed watching him and his friends play.
Anyway, back to the computer issue. He knows what button to turn it on, how to open word so he can type, and how to move the mouse. That's all.
I feel a headache coming on:)
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Now it's like having a brand new computer. It runs like new. Fast. The only problem is, A week ago I went out and purchased a brand new laptop because it was on sale. My old lap top, the one that just crashed, was beginning to run slow and freeze up. I swear I can't win sometimes! So, I've decided to keep the old lap top for writing and my new lap top for the work I do on the Internet.
We'll see how long that lasts. Knowing me, I'll get tired of switching back and forth between computers and end up using one for everything. At least I'll have a back up:)
Saturday, January 17, 2009
I know I've blogged about my hubby before. But honestly, he provides me with such great, entertaining material! LOL
I'm taking a break from editing and will need to work like heck to finish up the last 8 chapters by tonight. I promised my editor I'd have the manuscript back to her by Sunday.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
As if the stinkin economy isn't bad enough. One of my co-workers suffered a heart attack at the age of thirty-six, another one was rushed to the hospital yesterday because she was having chest pains as well, and my dad called me last night to say he thinks he's very ill and dying. Okay, he's been saying that ever since my mom passed away. It's eventually going to come true. We all die. I'm not being flip about it, I love my step-dad but he's a little on the melodramatic side and he's never gotten over losing mom.
My daughter called me tonight, on her way home from work, crying because the company she's worked for the last seven years has told everyone no more bonuses! Now granted, you're not supposed to count on a bonus but when you've received one every month for seven years, well, you count on it damn it! We're talking in the neighborhood of a thousand dollars in a good month. That's a lot of money for a young couple with a baby.
I wanted to cry with her. I wanted to fix it for her. I wanted to reach through the darn phone and hug her. My daughter is a very strong individual and it takes a lot to make her cry. But she was so frustrated, angry and of course worried. So I spent half an hour telling her what she had to be thankful for and convincing her there are other folks out there who have it worse. At least she still has a job. And she has options.
I guess what angered her the most is that the company she works for actually showed a profit last year. It is hard to understand how they could stop the bonuses for their employees knowing how hard it is to make ends meet right now. I think they're doing what a lot of companies are doing and taking advantage of the economy. There aren't any jobs right now so they can pretty much do whatever they want. If you want to keep your job you can't say a thing but are forced to go along with whatever.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears
Repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did
Not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I
Thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one
Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head
And said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 h horsepower.' I
Responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO,
it's not.' Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used Sears repair since.
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's
Take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total
Was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said,
'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I
Know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill
Back.' She sighed and went to get the manager who asked
Me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the
Quarter, and said 'We're sorry but they could not do
That kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me
Back $1 and 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.
IDIOT SIGHTING :
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new
Neighbor call the local township administrative office to
Request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.
The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out
Here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be
From Kingman , KS.
IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a
Taco. She asked the person behind the counter for
'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they
Only had iceburg lettuce.
From Kansas City
IDIOT SIGHTING :
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an
airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your
baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied,
'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
IDIOT SIGHTING :
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe
to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually
challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the
buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people
when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on
earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker.
She was leaving the company due to 'downsizing.' Our
manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do
this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all
just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights
This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip
back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't
understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile
dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had
been locked in it. We went to the service department and
Found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers
side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I
Instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it
Was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician,
it's open!' His reply, 'I know. I already got
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton ,Mississippi
They walk among us... And the scary part is that they
VOTE and they REPRODUCE!
I wanted to remind you to come by the Coffee Time Romance & More - Erotic group tomorrow between 7-10PM for Man Candy Chat. I hope to see you there!
Monday, January 12, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa , half discovered, half wild,fertile and naturally beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe , well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain , very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece , gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain , with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel , has been through war and doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada , self-preserving but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes like Tibet , wildly beautiful, with a mysterious pa stand the wisdom of the ages...only those with an adventurous spirit and athirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 90, a man is like Iran , ruled by nuts....
Thursday, January 8, 2009
That's a new one.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
This snake was recently found at the old Turkey Creek located just south of BURGAW, N.C.-- 20 MILES NORTH OF WILMINGTON, NC
A reminder that these creatures are actually out there and no matter what you believe, sometimes they should get not only prescriptive rights to be there but the full right of way!
9 feet, 1 inch - 97 lbs.
I envy those authors who can whip a new book out every month. Especially if they also work a full time job. I wish I had their discipline. But the truth is I get distracted very easily. The only time I work diligently at a manuscript is when I'm glued to my chair in the office. Alone, no TV or radio on. What kind of life is that?
I can't wait to see what the book cover to this one is going to look like!
Monday, January 5, 2009
Sunday, January 4, 2009
He remained quiet. It was too dark to see who it was but once they stepped into the moonlight and dropped their towel Logan got a clear view of a slim form and jutting breasts. As the woman continued to the deep end he sucked in his breath, his heart literally ceased beating. Without hesitation she reached behind her to undo her bikini top, letting it float to the pool deck before shimmying out of her bottoms with enough hip action to make a belly dancer jealous. She stepped up onto the diving board, and for a moment she was suspended in a slim ray of moonlight.
He released a low whistle between his teeth, realizing at that moment the seductive nymph he was ogling was none other than Margaret’s granddaughter, Libby. He tried to swallow, almost choking on his tongue. Her form was willowy slim yet had all the right curves to tempt a man into losing his mind. Her long hair hid her breasts from his view, stopping just short of her belly button. The lower half of her body was hidden in the shadows.
The fact that he couldn’t see her clearly didn’t stop his cock from swelling.
His body didn’t have any trouble recalling what her luscious bottom felt like against it. What her breasts had felt like smashed against his chest. His mouth ached to taste hers. Then suddenly she raised her arms and flipped that fiery mane behind her shoulders before diving gracefully into the cool water. It was the sound of her hitting the water that broke the spell Logan was in, and for the first time in what seemed a lifetime he sucked in air.
His hand moved down his body to adjust his boxer style swimsuit, but the wet material wouldn’t cooperate. It clung to his tingling shaft like a glove. He couldn’t remember getting a full blown hard on so fast.
His gaze remained fixed on the water in front of him, wondering where Libby would appear. She surfaced about halfway in the middle, running her hands over her face to brush the hair out of her eyes. Logan was mildly surprised she hadn’t spotted him yet. Maybe she had a lot on her mind. He watched her wade to the other side of the pool, where a large tree grew close to the deck. For a moment she disappeared in the dark shadows it cast upon the water. His eyes narrowed, adjusting against the darkness until he could make her out again. He watched as she hoisted herself out of the water and headed back to the diving board.
This time when Libby stepped into the moonbeam Logan clearly saw everything the lady had to offer. Her hair was wet and slick, sticking to her body. He took in her lissome figure again, her shapely breasts and slim waist, the graceful curve of her hips and long, lithe legs. His eyes finally narrowed on the tuff of hair covering her mound. His shaft responded by throbbing painfully, hungry to slip inside her warm body. He had no doubt she’d sheath him in tight, wet heat.
As she dove a second time, Logan slowly waded forward until he knew he was in the moonlight when she surfaced. He sensed Libby’s awareness of him long before he heard her soft gasp of surprise.
“Oh my God!” she exclaimed. “I thought I was alone!” Logan could make out the slightest movement of her arms as she fought to keep her head above water. “You could have warned me you were here,” she accused spiritedly.
“And miss the show?”
There was a brief pause. “I hope I didn’t disappoint you,” she said with mild sarcasm.
“There’s nothing indecent about the naked body,” he defended himself, wading slowly closer. It was as though he was being guided by his rock-hard shaft as it strained toward the source of its hunger. “Are you ashamed of it?”
“No, I’m just not in the habit of parading around naked in front of strangers I haven’t slept with...yet.”
You've just read an excerpt taken from Chapter 4 in "IT'S ALL IN THE JEANS"
Saturday, January 3, 2009
If that's not bad enough, they use my body as a trampoline. I'm not kidding. I'll be sleeping, or close to it, when they'll jump right on my belly on their way over the bed. What, do they think that soft rounded protuberance beneath the covers is their personal little jumping toy? It's bad enough I get slapped awake at 3:00 o'clock every morning by a little black demon who wants some attention. Jezebel has also started bringing her toys to bed and every one of them makes a noise.
I've also noticed things disappearing around here. A tiny bottle of eye drops, usually sitting on the table next to my chair, disappeared the second day I put it there. Nancy, I loved those cute little kittens you sent me but before I had the chance to do what I wanted with them they were stolen right out from under me! I know I'll find them one day, probably the day I move. They have a secret stash somewhere, where I'll find tongs, socks, the removable little plastic Christmas bulbs that are on my ceramic tree, and my next doctor's appointment card. That's just a few things.
Little thief's! Why, I've even woken to find one tugging on my earring, which was still attached to my ear. LOL
I thought I'd share this morning. Those of you with cats will relate to what I'm talking about. Cats are amusing, entertaining, and I wish I had room for more!