...a son, brother, nephew, uncle, husband and father. And three days ago he committed suicide. At forty years old, he was the baby of a family of 10 siblings. And my daughter's uncle Donald. The family is numb and confused right now, as no one saw this coming. And as we go over the past month and the contact, or lack of with Donald, certain things are coming to light as we piece it together. Trying to make sense of why this happened. It's clear Donald planned his suicide for at least a month.
His five sisters and four brothers, including my daughter's father, are pretty spread out over Florida. And they all have families and lives of their own. But during the last month Donald slowly and carefully began to distance himself from his loved ones. He stopped calling the family members he was closest to. He was taking care of business.
I've spent the last two days with my daughter. I was married to her father for twenty years and when you're in a family that long, you divorce the person but you don't divorce the family. I saw Donald on my granddaughter's birthday in August and he was the same old joking redneck. Chewing tobacco, tattoos all over his body, bigger than life. Not a care in the world. There was nothing in his brown eyes to show me the pain he must have been in. Now I wish I'd looked longer, and deeper.
I've been asking myself over and over, why Donald? Why did you do it? I feel so sad that he felt he couldn't talk to one of us. That he felt he had to do this. I've never had to deal with suicide and this hit me harder than I can comprehend. Because it's so senseless. He left a note but there is so much still unanswered and never will be.
Donald, you're going to miss out on so much.