Wednesday, March 5, 2008

What would you do?

I have a friend who's going through a divorce. She still loves her husband and believe it or not, he says he still loves her. He's the one who wanted the divorce. The main reason? Declining health and mounting medical and hospital bills.

His reasoning is that if they divorce and put the house in her name, if anything happens no one can take the house from her. He feels he's protecting her. She didn't want the divorce and fought it until there were no more excuses not to sign the papers. They've been together a long time and she can't help feeling all those years together and everything they've been through is all for nothing.

They plan to remain living together and to act like nothing has changed, but she's not sure she can go through with that. She's lost more than she's gained and has already begun to feel bitter over the change. His daughters from his first marriage now have more rights with regard to him and any decisions that might need to be made in the future, than she does.

Signing a little piece of paper shouldn't change anything, but it does. Maybe not their feelings but it certainly changes things like joint accounts, wills, health decisions, etc. My friend feels that she doesn't matter anymore.

I don't know what to say to her to make her feel better.


Jambrea said...

Wow. That is tough! I can see both sides. I can see why he thinks to protect her by making sure the she has a roof over her head if anything happens to him. A marriage certificate is just a piece of paper and it is really the feelings that matter. Legally there should be something they can do so she has more control then his kids. As for her...I can feel her pain of the symbol being destroyed. My mother in law sometimes tells me that my husband and I should get a divorce just so I could get support from the state. She was saying this when my husband was unemployed and we were struggling, but still made too much for help!

I hope they can make it through this. I don't know how to tell you to help. I think the two of them need to keep the communication open She needs to make sure he is aware of her fears and concerns. I'm sure he is coming at her with the logic, but hopefully he can understand the feeling, not just the logic.

Debbie Wallace said...

You're so right! I can see where he doesn't understand how she feels because he thinks logically. She feels he doesn't care about her feelings. I try not to take sides but it's hard because they're both my friends.

Honey~Angel said...

Tell your friend to have hubby's attorney fix a binding power of attorney giving in a list all the rights to any decisions medical,etc. that might need to be made later on when his health fails while he's still in relatively good health and none of the kids can contest it. Another piece of paper to say that even though they are divorced he thinks she will do better by him than they will. That way she is protected,but still retains the basic rights of a spouse.Hope this helps.

Debbie Wallace said...

Good idea honey! I'll pass it on.